Separation of Fan and Friend

I have a bone to pick with fellow Facebook users.

There are two types of Facebook pages you can create. You can create a personal page that you use to tell your “friends” the mundane details of your life, or you can create a business page that you use to promote whatever service or product you’re trying to sell to your “fans”.

A handful of my friends also have small business fan pages. In most cases, when the friend created the personal business page they asked all of their Facebook friends to become a fan by “liking” their page. In most cases I did because I’m a supportive friend. Now I find myself wondering why I wasted that very valuable thirty seconds of my life.

It annoys me to no end when you post some sort of advertisement on your small business page, and then turn around and immediately post the exact same thing on your personal page. If I can get the same annoying product/service pushing from your personal page, then what was the point of asking me to like your business page? You might argue that you want the friends that don’t “like” your business page to see what your advertisements. But you know what, if they never became a fan of your business page in the first place then I think it’s a pretty safe bet to say that they don’t care. This is a sure fire way to lose friends and fans.

There is another side to this, too. There are also small business pages that fail to realize that it’s a BUSINESS. I am a “fan” (using the term loosely because I’m not really a fan) of one particular page that is very popular. The girl has over 10,000 fans, which is actually pretty impressive for a small business. On this particular page, on almost a weekly basis, the girl uses her status update to air some dirty laundry drama. Sometimes its business related drama (which is still incredibly unprofessional to share), but sometimes it’s just her daily redneck drama. Every time it happens I have to stop myself from telling her what an immature, unprofessional, moron she is. I honestly can’t believe she has managed to hold onto so many fans. She’s one redneck rant away from losing me.

So to recap, if you have two separate Facebook pages, please use them as such and stop flooding my feed with repeat nonsense. If you only have one page, please try to remember which type it is and use it appropriately. Nobody likes an unprofessional business owner.

Puppy Love

Did you know that I love animals? I know a lot of people love animals and do their part to help them, but I seriously love animals so much that I can't even volunteer at an animal shelter because it literally breaks my heart into a million pieces to see their sad faces knowing that they might not make it to the next week alive. So much sadness.

Fun fact: My dream job is to be the CFO of an animal rescue organization such as the ASPCA. So help me, I would find the money to save every single creature I encounter!

I've been known to cry pretty much every time someone loses a pet, whether or not I know them or the pet, I just cry because it's sad to know the heartache they must be feeling.
Short story: One time my sister was telling me about how her husband killed some ants. They were on a log so he set it in a fire and got it really hot so they had to jump off. But when they did they landed in the fire and died. I cried. I didn't cry because he killed the ants, ants are little devils and I kill them when necessary. It was just really cruel to torture them when they couldn't defend themselves.
I actually don't even consider ants an animal. They aren't, they're insects. But the thing that makes me feel so much compassion for animals is their inability to defend or speak for themselves in most situations. So that's why the ant story made me sad.

I have two cats myself. Batman and Captain Morgan. They are pretty much the quirkiest cats I've ever encountered and I never get bored with them. It will be a rough time for me when my fur babies pass away.

Last week, in Ireland, the city council put a dog to sleep because it was a "pit-bull terrier type". The dog had never been in any kind of trouble or anything, someone just saw it, thought it looked like a pit bull (which is illegal in Ireland) so they took it away from the owners. I've heard that DNA tests showed ZERO signs of pit bull heritage. None. Turns out it was an American bulldog-Labrador mix. So anyways, the owners started a campaign, gained worldwide attention and support to save the dog, and the city council says its too dangerous. A human rights activist flew to Ireland and offered to bring the dog back to the United States at NO COST to the city council. They declined and killed the dog anyways.

Reading about this puppy outraged me in ways I cannot even explain. For starters, the dog was held by the city council for TWO YEARS before they finally put it to sleep. Can you imagine how it felt, all alone with no more love and attention from it's owners? It breaks my heart just to think about it. Secondly, the city council had the opportunity to get the dog out of the country, at no cost or inconvenience to them, and avoid the devastation all together. But for some reason those animal hating bastards still felt like it was a better choice to kill the dog. This, in my book, is the same thing as animal cruelty. Isn't that illegal?

I will never understand how a person cannot love animals. How often do you meet a person who loves you unconditionally, without judgement, 100% of the time?

First World Problems (1st edition)

Being an adult is hard. I’m not talking about the obvious challenges of earning money, managing it, paying bills, etc. I’m just talking about being an adult with various relationships to juggle.

There are spouses, lovers (but hopefully not both, you little minx), family, children, friends, pets, daily responsibilities, and so on. Balancing all of these things is one of the most exhausting parts of my life. It would be nice if there was a manual for this sort of thing.

I always want to spend time with my husband. He’s my favorite person to be around and we have a lot of fun. But on top of that, quality time is very important for keeping our marriage strong and happy so there is also the necessary aspect of spending time together.

Then there is my family. I work with my sister so seeing/spending time with her is never really an issue. We talk basically all day every day. But the rest of my family, with the exception of my mom and step dad, lives 3-4 hours away. If they are in town I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Not to mention I would love, more than anything, to be able to make frequent trips to see them, but with all the other relationships I juggle, finding time is a challenge. In addition to my own family, I also have my husband’s family to think about. They are a very close knit family and I love hanging out with them so lots of time gets dedicated to them as well.

I have the greatest best friend. We always have so much fun together when we’re hanging out, regardless of what we’re doing. It makes me sad when we go long stretches of time without seeing each other. But in addition to enjoying her company, sometimes she needs my company. She’s had a rough year and sometimes dinner with her BFF to vent or just sit in a mutually understood silence is what she needs to make her feel better. Being there for a friend is always a top priority for me.

Of course, I have other friends, too. Shocker, I know. So there is the occasional dinner, fitness class, or whatever with them, too.

I don’t mean for this to sound like an “oh, I’m so popular I don’t have time for all my friends” groan. Sadly, that is not the case. I can probably count my good friends on one hand. The problem is that on top of balancing these very important relationships, I also have to balance the necessary parts of my life. You know 40hr/wk. job, housework, grocery shopping, volunteering, exercising, etc.

I seem to give myself so much to all these relationships that not only do I always feel like I’m neglecting someone or something, I AM always neglecting myself. When is there time to be selfish?

I don’t mean for this to sound like I am whining about “having” to spend time with various people. These are all relationships that I want to have, to nurture, and to grow! I love the people in my life and I love hanging out with them. All I’m saying is that being a good wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend is hard. Lord help me when it’s time to add mother to that list.

But… I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Why you gotta be so mean?

Usually when there are long lapses in time between blog posts it’s because I don’t think I can focus to write anything readable. But, I’m realizing that if I just start typing the thoughts will tumble out. Funny how that works. So excuse me while these thoughts tumble out.

I wish I could write about other people’s lives. I mean, I can, but eventually they would stop telling me things and I’m not trying to lose friends. I never thought that my own life was interesting enough to blog about and so it was never my intention to spend much time writing about my mundane daily routine. However, some of the conversations I have with my friends would make for very entertaining blog material. Unfortunately, that would require putting someone else’s business out there and I would never do that. So I digress.

I do have a point to make in this post. (Surprise!)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am, without a shadow of a doubt, sarcastic and sometimes quick-witted. Being the youngest child in a brutally honest family will do that to you. I actually kind of like that about myself. So naturally, my blog posts are chock full of sarcasm. Actually, everything that comes out of my mouth is chock full of sarcasm, but you get my point.

With that being said, I am what you perceive me to be. If you perceive my sarcasm as mean, then I am a bitch. If you perceive it as funny, then I am a comedian. If you perceive it as sarcastic, then I am a smart ass. If you perceive it as dorky, well, you get the picture.

I get to share my views on the world because I choose to write them down and you choose to read them. The things I say are never said maliciously and it’s never my intent to offend anyone, but if the shoe fits…. You know what they say about opinion anyways.

You can’t please everyone.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it

In an effort to open Microsoft Word to write this post, I opened my email no less than four times before I realized I was opening the wrong program. I just thought I would share that with you so you know where my head is at.

Moving on, I have determined that a weekly stream of consciousness post is going to be a necessity. There is just so much floating around in the dome piece that if I don’t get it out then I can’t focus long enough to write a real blog post. Case in point, it took me 5 tries and 4 open copies of my email just to open a word document.

So without further adieu…

Midweek holidays are just not fun. They sound fun in theory. Hey, let’s all just take Wednesday off of work! But how much fun can you have when you have to go to work the next morning? Have you ever tried to have a good time on a Sunday night? Plus, it gives the week two Mondays. And let’s be honest here, nobody likes Mondays.

On that note, because it’s a holiday week, 90%+ of management is on vacation. Because you know, they get like 14 weeks a year. Well, we minions still have to work. But it would appear that no one cares. The cafeteria and convenience store in my building have limited hours, the vending machines are bare, and the water coolers are all empty… I am somebody, too, damnitt!!

Remember how I said I couldn’t cook? I made dinner the other night for the first time in….it’s been a long time. I only set off the smoke detector three times, so that’s a success!

I’m still offering up my quality time in exchange for cooking lessons.

My husband did the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me the other day. I’m not going to tell you what it is because it’s none of your business (boundaries people!) but I just wanted to share because it’s so good to know that I am married to such an amazing person. I sure do love him. And on that note, I think everyone should think of something super sweet and original to do for their significant other. Let’s start a movement!

Speaking of movement, does anyone want to be part of my flash mob? I know a former Top Cat and current Lady Cat (professional cheerleader/dancers for those of you not familiar with Charlotte’s sports teams). I would totally ask them to choreograph. I’m thinking it should be done in the middle of the next big city event. Ooohh, like the DNC! Wouldn’t that be hilarious? I wonder if Obama would be game.

I have decided to give up junk food for 40 days. I know what you’re thinking, lent was like three months ago! I really just chose 40 days because I thought hey, if they can do it so can I (“they” being Catholics, which I am not). It began first thing this morning, so no junk food for me until August 13th. If you see me with a milkshake, please feel free to tackle me. I don’t have a really substantial reason for giving up junk food. I have just gotten carried away with it more than I am comfortable with lately. Like really, it makes my stomach hurt. I have been slowly climbing back on the workout wagon so I figured I might as well do all of my suffering at once.

I refuse to go see Magic Mike. I’m a little torn about this because every female I know has seen it at this point. But here’s the thing, Channing Tatum, good looking as he may be, is the WORST ACTOR ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. How is this guy getting so many movie deals? He single handedly ruined “The Vow” and I will never again pay to see one of his movies. I’m standing my ground on this one.

Now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I’m off to write asomething a little more focused. But just a little.

Things you say that make me think you're a complete moron

Lately it seems like the people that surround me have gotten dumber. I know I graduated Summa Cum Laude and everything, but I have a pretty high tolerance for stupidity.

That’s a lie. I was just trying to be humble. Stupid people make me cringe.

So, here I give you list of the things I hear on a daily basis that people say incorrectly.

“It’s a mute point”: You mean the point you’re trying to make can’t speak? I believe you meant to say “moot” point. I have a coworker (who shall remain nameless because I’d like to keep my job) who says something is “mute” almost every time we talk. Does anyone have a witty comeback for that?

“All intensive purposes”: This makes me laugh just thinking about it. I read this hilarious blog called Ring Finger Tan Line (check it out, but don’t leave me!). A few months ago this guy that she blogged about tried to retaliate in the comments section. When she wouldn’t approve the comment he pitched a fit via email so she dedicated an entire post to his rant. It was funny. But what really made me laugh is that he was trying to be a bad ass and put her in her place, but then he says that something is “for all intensive purposes”….aaannndd there goes your credibility. In case you didn’t know, it’s “all intents and purposes”.

“Supposively”: I don’t think I need to elaborate on why this makes you sound like a moron. Surely you don’t think that’s a real word, right? (This one comes from my mute coworker) Also commonly mispronounced as “supposably”.

“Irregardless”: Do you know what this word means? Here, I’ll wait while you look it……

What’s that? You couldn’t find it? Oh, that must be because IT’S NOT A WORD! It’s just “Regardless”…how did it become such a common imaginary word?

“Azackly”: I am probably the only one that hears this one regularly (except my sister). This one comes from a coworker who can’t seem to say “exactly” properly, yet it’s their favorite way to acknowledge that they are listening (azackly, azackly). It’s rather entertaining.

“I could care less”: I always chuckle when I hear this because the person saying it is usually mad about something but trying to pretend like they don’t give a rat’s ass. They MEAN that they “couldn’t care less”, but we both know that they could, why else are we talking about it?

And the thing that really makes me want to stop talking to you altogether…

When you ask a question using the word “is” when you should use the word “are”. For example:

“Is you going to lunch with us?”

“Is there any dogs in the yard?”

It sounds so ignorant that I can’t even believe that people don’t realize it’s wrong.

What do the stupid people in your life say incorrectly?

Love in the Fast Lane

For the first time in the show's ten years, I began watching the bachelorette this season. I took an interest in the show because it was filmed, partly, in Charlotte and the bachelorette herself is from Charlotte. I went into the first episode knowing that it was cheesy reality TV with lots of drama and flair for the sake of production. I was surprised at how quickly I got sucked into their evil mind games. After that first episode I found myself wishing I was Emily's BFF and rooting for her to find the perfect man she was so adamantly looking for.

But let's get real here.

On the previews for next week's episode, where there are only three lucky bachelors left, you see Emily crying about how hard it is because she's falling in love with more than one person.

DUH.

How could you NOT feel like you're falling for all these guys in this scenario? ABC hands you a gaggle of good looking, charming, successful men who are all bringing their A game to compete for your love and attention and then they fly you around the world to the most exotic and romatic places they could find while you get to know each other. It's kind of hard to get to know the real someone that you're with when everything is perfect.

I believe that its possible to fall in love with someone and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them in 6 weeks. I believe this because that's about how long it took me to know that I wanted marry my husband. But how can you possibly even think you know that when you've never been put to the test? If you sent me to Barbados for a week and planned out/paid for several perfect dates then I would probably develop strong love-like feelings for the person I was with, too. But put me in a situation where me and that person have to make life-changing decisions, or raise a child, or even decide where we want to go on our date that evening, and we may very well endup hating each others guts.

If ABC really wanted these two people to fall in love and last forever, then the romantic dates would be combined with everyday things like grocery shopping, babysitting, budgeting, and yard work. Because those are the little stresses in life that ultimately determine whether or not two people can stand to be around each other for the rest of their lives.

Get it together ABC.