I have been around a group of people and heard a girl say to her husband something along the lines of "You're a f***ing idiot"...what the hell? My husband has never laid a hand on me, but if I said that to him (in front of a group of people no less) and he back-handed me for it, I can't really say that I would blame him! (I'm not condoning abuse, just trying to make a point). This is usually the same girl who won't allow her husband to go out with friends if she can't be there because she might miss out. The girl who never lets her spouse have "guy time." The girl that makes her husband ask for permission for every move he makes (like is it OK to go to lunch with my friends at work or do I have to eat at my desk by myself today? Or do you mind if I loan out my Wii to a friend for a few days?)
I believe the root of this issue is respect. I respect my husband to the extent that I never curse at him, call him names, or do anything else to belittle him as a person (and he is respectful enough to return the favor). What appalls me is women that not only do these things to their spouse, but they do it front of other people! That, in my opinion, is the epitome of disrespect. Additionally, someone who doesn't respect their spouse/significant other is also not likely to acknowledge that they are intelligent enough to make good, informed decisions on their own.
First of all, why would you want a man that lets you walk all over him like that? What a wuss! I have no desire to tell my husband what he can and can't do, but if I tried I'd like to think that he would stand up to me. I tend to like my men with a spine.
Secondly, how can you humiliate your husband by calling him names (whether in public or private) and not feel like a complete dirt bag? Does it make you feel better to belittle the people you love? If so, you need therapy.
Thirdly (third of all??), it is not healthy for one person in a relationship to have all of the authority. I have more than outgrown the age where I need to ask permission for anything I do. There are a lot of things that my husband and I discuss before we do, but we have that discussion as a courtesy. If he wants to go out with his friends Friday he might say "Hey, do you mind if I go out with the guys on Friday?" He's not asking me to get permission and I would never dream of telling him no unless for some reason we had already committed to something that he forgot about. Believe it or not, I know women that will say no, for no reason other than he needs to stay home because she has to work the next morning so it's not fair that she has to stay home (or something else equally selfish and childish).
Lastly, I believe it makes a relationship stronger if both man and woman have times that they can enjoy the company of their friends without the old ball and chain tagging along. Time apart is healthy even if it's seldom.
P.S. I am fully aware that there are just as many crazy, controlling men as there are woman. I just don't happen to know any of those so this post is just about crazy b*tches! :)
Wow! Took the words right out of my mouth. I totally understand what you are saying. I have plenty of friends who are girls who have this issue, too... where they feel like they have to ask permission. That does not happen in my house either. I think you're right- it is a matter of respect and I think of trust. People need to have their own time to have their own part of life without the other person. I hear ya!
ReplyDelete~Maggie