My Brain Runneth Over

Opinions are like assholes…

… Everybody has one and they always stink.

If yours doesn’t stink then we should be friends because I want to know your secret!

That’s the beauty of this little blog of mine. I can give you my opinion and I don’t have to hear yours!! I kid I kid. Feel free to leave your opinion in the comments; I like to consider myself a pretty open-minded person. You might not change my mind, but I will respect that we see things differently. But guess what? This particular post is not about my opinion on a specific worldly topic. You see, that was never my intention when I started bogging. It just kind of worked out that I had some very strong opinions I needed to get off my chest. Don’t worry; I’ve got plenty more, just not today. Today is all about stream of consciousness because none of the things on my mind constitute their own dedicated post.

I don’t know how to iron. In fact, I don’t even own an iron. I used to, but I didn’t know how to use it so I gave it to good will. Obviously, I know how an iron works. But any efforts I’ve ever made to iron a shirt have made it look worse than it was when I started. I have even gone so far as to drive to my mom’s house 45 minutes away to have her iron a shirt for my husband. Is there a support group for this?

I also don’t know how to cook. Again, I know HOW to cook, but I’m really bad at it. Any time I try to “throw something together” it comes out really bland and plain. And following a recipe turns into a two hour ordeal. How do people just know what things will go good together? I accidentally watched an episode of Hell’s Kitchen the other day and I was very intrigued by their intuitive cooking decisions. Does anyone want to teach me how to cook? I am more than willing to accept free lessons in exchange for some quality time with yours truly.

I walk to and from work. Most afternoons I have my headphones on because I was listening to them at work and don’t want to take them off. But in the mornings I’m left with nothing but my thoughts. Is it weird that I hum my thoughts (in my head, of course) to the wedding march? Not “here comes the bride”, but the one that they play as the bride and groom exit the church. It’s unfortunate that I can’t insert a sound clip of how my thoughts sound to me. And it’s actually really annoying, but I can’t make it stop. For some reason, that tune is always in my head and my thoughts feel the need to follow the beat.

I love to sing. Like, really love to sing on a level where I wish I could do it professionally. There is only one teeny tiny problem. I’m terrible at it!! Sometimes (ok, all the time), when I’m in the car singing along to Carrie Underwood or Jennifer Nettles I will plug one ear so I can see what I sound like….it’s never good. American Idol had auditions in Charlotte a couple weeks ago. I seriously considered going in hopes that maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am. But who am I kidding, I’m tone deaf. I’ve often wondered if that’s something that can be fixed with voice lessons. Does anyone want to go to a karaoke bar with me?

I gave up caffeine again. I’m on day three and my head feels like it’s going to explode. I did not, however, give up diet coke. I still drink caffeine free diet coke because it feels so good when it touches the lips.

Sometimes when I’m around new people I act weird. And by weird I mean normal. Because I am a weird person with an inappropriate sense of humor, but when I’m around new people I am sometimes afraid to be myself for fear of making a bad impression. I’ve made a few new friends this year and it’s very likely that they don’t know the real me yet. In my head I know that I’m not really being myself, but when I try to force it I come off even weirder than I actually am. Is that some Freudian thing?

On that note, making friends as an adult is hard. There’s that awkward “should I give her my number?” thing and then the first time you hang out it’s like “oh my god, what are we going to talk about for an entire meal, we barely know each other!.” All I’m saying is thank goodness for Facebook. It allows sufficient means for stalking prior to a face to face meeting so we have something to talk about.

I’ve secretly wished I could dance for as long as I can remember. I’m not talking about nightclub dancing; I’ve got that taken care of. I’m talking about Britney Spears back-up, NFL football, flash mob dancing. I’m sure there’s a name for it but I don’t know what it is. I actually have a couple friends that dance professionally and I’m secretly jealous of them. Is 27 too late to start dancing?

Wouldn’t it be cool to be part of a flash mob? That’s something that I fully intend to do before I die. Maybe I’ll even organize it myself.

Thanks for sticking around to read my insignificant thoughts. You're a real trooper.